anxiety

Finding Light: When Holiday Tables Feel Divided

Vintage image of man curving holiday turkey

When Holiday Table feel divided

Finding light when the holidays feel dark


There's something about this time of year that stirs up all our deepest longings for connection. The way the early darkness creeps in, how the air grows still with winter's whispers - it all seems to amplify our desire to draw close to those we love. But lately, I've been sitting with a difficult truth: sometimes the people who should feel closest can feel worlds apart.


I recognize the tension in my own body first: the tightness in my shoulders, the way my breathing gets shallow when Uncle Mike starts in about politics, how my hands grip my water glass a little too tightly when someone makes that passive-aggressive comment about my life choices.

Female hand reaching for wine glass half full of white wine on table with green plant



These gatherings that once felt bathed in golden light - the warm glow of candles, my mother's laughter floating from the kitchen - now carry an undercurrent of unspoken words and careful silences.

people toasting with wine glasses around a fancy dinner table

I've learned that grief comes in many forms, including mourning the easy closeness we used to share.

But I've also learned that survival requires strategy, not just sentiment.

So I keep a "fuck-it list" (yes, really) of exit strategies when things get too intense.

Sometimes I suddenly need to "check on something in my car" or "make an important call." Having these escape hatches planned in advance helps me feel less trapped.

Man standing outside a car with the door open

And honestly? A five-minute breather in my car, cursing under my breath or blasting music, has saved more family relationships than any amount of patient discussion.

 

Instead of trying to fix everything or change minds, I'm learning to create gentle boundaries - not walls, but soft edges that protect everyone's tender places.



I treat these gatherings like a marathon, not a sprint. I show up with my emotional battery fully charged - which means protecting my energy the day before.




open book with a hand holding a cup of coffee

No draining phone calls, no social media doom-scrolling, no trying to squeeze in last-minute errands. Just quiet time with a book, a long shower, maybe some mindless TV. Whatever fills my cup before it gets drained.

 

When conversations turn toxic, I've gotten better at changing the subject without apology. "Hey, has anyone watched that new show about deep sea creatures?" might seem like an obvious deflection, but it works surprisingly often. People usually welcome the relief of talking about something - anything - else.

woman with r=tv remote in her hand eating popcorn that has spilled onto her shirt
 

I've found peace in small rituals too: lighting a candle each morning during the holiday season, taking slow walks in the winter air when the house feels too full of unspoken words.


These quiet practices become anchors when emotions run high. And sometimes, when the weight of different worldviews feels suffocating, I remember that I don't actually have to stay for six hours.


Showing up, sharing a meal, and leaving while everyone still has their emotional composure intact is a valid choice. Better two hours of genuine connection than six hours of walking on eggshells.

Love doesn’t require perfect alignment.



Like an old quilt made of mismatched patches, family can hold together even when the pieces don't perfectly match. What matters most isn't crafting perfect harmony but nurturing moments of genuine connection where we can find them.


Maybe it's watching birds at the feeder with my father in comfortable silence, or finding unexpected laughter in the kitchen while doing dishes.

 

These aren't perfect solutions. They won't heal deep family wounds or bridge impossible divides.

But they help me stay present without losing myself. They create enough space for both love and boundaries to exist in the same room.

And sometimes, in these imperfect moments of navigation, I find unexpected pockets of real connection - the kind that reminds me why I keep showing up, year after year, to this beautiful, messy thing we call family.

city street with light snow at night

In these shorter, darker days, may we all find ways to keep our hearts warm and our spirits resilient.

May we remember that even when families feel divided, we can still create spaces of peace within the complexity.

 

Sports fandom frenzy - or how to manage the hysteria for your kids and yourself

As a parent and a sports fan, it can be challenging to balance the thrill and excitement of watching your favorite team compete with your responsibilities as a caregiver. However, for some parents, the intensity and anxiety of the experience can be overwhelming, and it can affect their children in ways they may not realize. I will not be talking about parents of young athletes in this post but do let me know if that is something you are interested in.

 

If you find yourself feeling overly anxious or stressed when watching sports, it's important to take steps to manage your emotions, not only for your own well-being, but also for the sake of your children. Here are some tips for navigating the intensity of sports fandom as a parent:

 
Happy woman celebrating gently

Set a positive example

  1. Children learn from what they see, so try to set a positive example by managing your emotions and behavior when watching sports. Avoid excessive celebration or frustration, and focus on enjoying the game in a healthy and balanced way.

father and son talking about soccer with soccer ball on the ground

Talk to your children about the game

  1. Involve your children in the experience of watching a game, and talk to them about the strategies and skills of the players. Explain the rules of the game and answer any questions they may have. Learning the specifics of a sport, a team or players can add to the enjoyment and help keep emotions in their proper perspective.

legs and feet of adult parent and young child standing in the dirt

Take breaks together

  1. If you start to feel overwhelmed, it's okay to take a break from the game. Step away from the television, go for a walk, or do something else with your children to take your mind off the game.  This is great to do as a general practice. Use commercial breaks, time outs or other diversions to shift your attention and allow yourself to bring the  stress down.

Encourage healthy competition

  1. If your children show an interest in sports, encourage them to participate in healthy competition and support their interests. However, be sure to emphasize that winning is not the only goal, and that participating and having fun are just as important. Accept that your kids may be interested in other forms of competition that don't include sports.

Practice self-care and prioritize your well-being

  1. Finally, make sure to practice self-care and prioritize your own well-being. Take care of your physical and emotional health, and try to maintain a balance between sports fandom and other aspects of your life.

man doing online therapy

If you find that you are still struggling to manage the intensity and anxiety of sports fandom, it may be helpful to consider working with a therapist. A therapist can provide you with additional strategies for managing your emotions and help you identify the underlying causes of your anxiety. They can also help you build a healthier relationship with sports and ensure that your fandom does not interfere with your responsibilities as a parent or other aspects of your life.

The upcoming Super Bowl is a prime example of a high-stakes, high-anxiety sports event. If you're a parent and a fan, remember to manage your emotions and behavior, and set a positive example for your children. With these tips and the support of a therapist, you can navigate the intensity of sports fandom, enjoy the experience of watching your favorite team compete, and ensure that your children learn healthy habits and behaviors when it comes to sports and competition.

person standing in a victorious pose with arms upraised

Being a parent and a sports fan can be a balancing act, but it's important to manage your emotions and behavior in order to set a positive example for your children. By taking breaks, talking to your children, encouraging healthy competition, practicing self-care, and considering therapy, you can navigate the intensity of sports fandom, enjoy the experience of watching your favorite team compete, and ensure that your children learn healthy habits and behaviors when it comes to sports and competition."